Episode 4 of The Future Machine is here, and it's funnier than some really funny thing that you can think of...! Thank you so much for all the people lending support to the show. You've really helped us get it out there as much as possible, and I'm hoping you enjoy the rest of the season as much as we do!

Hmmmm... Right now - outside - I can hear a man asking a passer-by outside my house for $2.60 because he locked his key in his house, and he needs to get to Ultimo.

The funny thing about this is - he told someone exactly the same thing, yesterday! That dude needs a better locksmith... Cereal.

Speaking of junkies - The other night, I picked up a $5 note with poo on it.

Yep. DEFINITELY a low point...

I guess my main concern is - HOW DOES A $5 note get poo on it?! I mean does it fall out of someone's pocket, and into some poo, or does some poo fallout of someone, into a $5 note?? I'm starting to get a bit worried that I am now part of some bad hidden-camera gameshow called "How Low Would You Go for $5", where they just cut to idiots like me picking up money on the street, and then realising they've got crap on them.

How embarassing. But it's not often that you find a note on the ground, and it's not often that you so quickly realise exactly why nobody else had picked it up...

Don't forget to tell your friends about The Future Machine! We're on YouTube & Facebook, so make sure you subscribe!

Werrrrrd.

I have been sick this week....

Well -- actually -- I was sick on Monday, and it prompted me to turn my bed into a "home office".

The problem is - as it turns out - I think I'm completely over my sickness, yet I'm still lying in bed...

The moral of this story is: Turning your bed into a "home office" does not increase productivity. You will merely watch a shitload of Entourage, hoping that @FeliciaDay will one day re-tweet you...

The third episode of The Future Machine is here!

In this episode, Matt and Tom have to figure out how to get rid of Tom's body. If I ever had to rid of a body, I'd be in some serious trouble.

For starters - it'd mean that someone's dead. And that's really not a good start. Secondly - I don't have a car. Aside from the logistical nightmare that would arise from taking a body onto public transport; I'd also have some serious problems with having to pay for the additional ticket!

Sucks, bro...

If you love the show, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel, and make sure you share it with all your friends. We need your support!

The streets is watchin'...

.
XOXO,

Gossip-Kid

Can you believe it's already that time of the year when people are walking around saying things like, "can you believe it's that time of the year already?!?!".

I am super, super, SUPER excited to announce that The Future Machine is finally here! It's getting some seriously great feedback, and we're hoping everyone will enjoy it as much as we do. We're currently ranked "#73 Most Viewed (Today) - Australia" on YouTube. Now - Don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy with that (we've only JUST released it...) except it means that we're still getting beaten by such luminaries as "The Fat Aussie Bastard", and "The Australian Labor Party".....

Yeh...

I KNOW.

Now - I've never met 'said' Bastard, or been to an Australian Party where everyone's about to give birth..... but knowing that they're beating us is giving me a strange sense of.... well... inadequateness. So, please - please - PLEASE - help us defy the odds. If you get the chance, watch the two first episodes above, subscribe, and then share it with your friends. Even if you don't watch it. Just click 'play' and then go to the bathroom or something. I will not be beaten by some sad, local MP's trying to connect with the youth of Australia by way of Video-Blog!!! The youth of this nation deserve what EVERYONE deserves - and that's dick-jokes, boobs and time-travel...!

Thank you for your patience.

Don't forget that I'm on Twitter too. You can find me under @mattokine. And please support the Future Machine!!

Cheers,

Disco-Matt MC Esquire III

p.s. There WILL be a new EP coming out before Xmas. And there WILL be an exclusive launch party for it. And Jaydos WILL be hosting that sucka! Brace... yo'... self.

The Future Machine is almost here, and it is looking FUTURISTIC!

I haven't been this excited about something since the time I tried to make a replica of the of the scene in Back to the Future when the lightning hits the clock tower and it generates enough power for Marty to get the Delorian to 88 miles per hour and finally make it back home... Unfortunately, Marty stayed with us for a long time.

Good, goood times.

To give you the lowdown -- The Future Machine is a webseries I am co-creating at the moment. It's been written by Tom Sheldrick (Tropfest finalist, 2010) and Myself, directed by Dave Barker (http://www.taxifilms.tv), and stars Andy Ryan (Tomorrow When the War Began), Cariba Heine (H20: Just Add Water, Dance Academy), and Matt Okine (insert not-as-impressive credits here...).

The shoot has been absolutely awesome, and I can't wait to show everyone the finished product. Thanks to all of the unbelievably talented cast & crew who came on board!

In the meantime, check out some "Disco-Matt MC" stuff! The latest vlogs are on YouTube, and the two most sickest and revolutionariest albums are here - http://www.mattokine.com/thebling.htm & here - http://www.mattokine.com/thenewstart.htm

I don't wanna get your hopes up, but I'm thinking a new EP is due.

Werd to 4P1, Nut Nutzzz & Crusty Hoez!!

Peace.

The other night I saw Australian Polevault champion Steve Hooker at one of my gigs. I thought he was a guy I went to school with. I waved at him during the break and he waved back, but clearly didn't know why he was waving. Afterwards I went to talk to him and realised that he was not the guy from my school.

Then I got all nervous and went a light purple colour (which is the colour dark people go when they're embarassed). I think he thought I was choking....

Good times.

WA, I am on the way!

On the 24th May, I will begin a month-long tour throughout Western Australia as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Roadshow. I plan on coming to your mining state, and discovering some 'comedy GOLD'.... and then getting taxed for it.

It'll be my first visit, so I'm really excited. I've heard Perth is very much like my hometown of Brisbane, which is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I asked a mate what Perth was like and he said "don't expect to go shopping on Sunday..." - Then I asked him when he had actually gone to Perth, and he said "1995".

I'm guessing a lot has changed....!

For full details of the tour, check out: http://www.comedyfestival.com.au - and head to the "Roadshow" sections.

ALSO -- Our TV Pilot, "Not Available" has been selected for the Dungog Film Festival and will premiere in Dungog on the 28th May, 2010. Everyone at HDC Productions is really excited about this, so if you happen to be going to the festival - CHECK IT OUT! Full details here: http://www.dungogfilmfestival.org.au

In the meantime, check out the spot I did on Channel Ten's 'Thursday Night Live' (TNL) the other night. Thanks to Amy Hetzel and the team for having me!

Werd to 4-Point-1, Nut-Nuts, and Hoes!

Peace.

We actually did it.

We made a TV Pilot, and it freakin' rocks! Click HERE for pics.

Also - if you live anywhere near me, then I apologise for the shinanigans that was Easter Super Sunday. We probably disrupted your sleep, but when you lose $5 on backyard female arm-wrestling, then I bet you'll wanna scream too....

As is tradition, we renamed the twelve apostles. Some of my favourites included "El Hamo Del Glazo", and "Danny Lee Tucker". For the full list, click HERE.

I'm watching Huey's Cooking Adventures and he is making Chicken Livers look delicious. I bought chicken for dinner, but it was only their thighs. It's not often you wish there were livers connected to your thighs.

That sounded weirder than it was...

The biggest thanks to 4-Point-1, The Nut-Nutz & Co. who came down for ESS. I can honestly say I had the best time I've had in a long while, and it's definitely worth the disgusting state my kitchen was left in...

Check out the first half of IIDA below. It's not the pilot that we JUST made, but it's something to nibble on while you wait for the main course.

Peace.

p.s. Who wee's on a couch.... honestly?!

HDC Productions are making a TV Pilot!

I've never made a TV Pilot before, but I did illegally download the pilot of Entourage, and that was HELLA easy, so it can't be THAT hard....

It's the same team that worked on IIDA, and if you haven't seen IIDA, you must be an IIDAiot...

Ok, so that wasn't a very good call. BUT - Check out the IIDA trailer below.

Oooh... tomorrow's episode of Neighbours looks great! It's an episode where the new girl on Ramsay St, starts getting bullied by 'another' new girl on Ramsay St. You can tell the 'other' new girl is a bully because she's blonde and slightly hot, and she quite often has a few extras standing behind her as friends.

I wish I could play a new girl on Ramsay St. I could play the conjoined fetus twin of Libby (Kim Valentine) and Dan's (Brett Tucker) surrogate baby, and then break off from my twin and start breakdancing in Susan's stomach.

That would be sick!

And I don't mean in 'sick' in the cool, hip, and trendy way that the youngsters use it...

I mean 'sick' as in 'rad'.

I would LOVE to proof-read this entry and probably delete it from both the page, AND my memory, but I'm about to go have dinner, so deal with it! Check out IIDA, Check out Macca's Chef, and spread the love.

Peace.

Above is a small clip from ManChoir's performance on Good News Week.

It was such a blast, and I really, really thank Kitty Flanagan for allowing us to be a part of her show at the Opera House last night too. Performing at the Opera House is one of those things that some people have worked 20+ years to do, studying at various conservatoriums and so forth just to live that dream... and I kinda feel guilty that 12 chumps in singlets got the chance so easily.....

There's a lesson here for everyone. Drop the cello, pick up a beer.

I'm about to cook a chicken for dinner. When I bought it, the guy at the butcher's remarked that the label said "Greek Style Chicken". I didn't really know what he meant so I asked him, and he kindly informed me that "when greek girls wanna remain virgins, they do it 'greek style'...."

I quickly thanked him for such charming information and left, all the while hoping that he doesn't throw that sort of chat around to any of his female customers, and also praying that he's kept his private well away from my chicken.

Brisbane tour was cut short due to the GNW and an ep of All Saints, but the 4 gigs I did were great and I really appreciated seeing all of my favourite people at St Paul's Tavern.

Werd to 4-Point-1, The Nut-Nuts, and The Crusty Hoes!

Peace.

I had SUCH a good week last week... For the obvious exceptions of a neighbourhood incident - and my possible contraction of swine flu - things were really going my way.

This week on the other-hand..... Not so good, no?

On a bad day, it's funny how we can take such offence when the littlest things don't go our way. I was furious at the bus this morning for turning up ten minutes late, even though I hadn't checked the timetable, OR arrived with any idea of when a bus would come... just that I knew it should come SOON!

Then I get all cranky because it didn't...

Watching Pineapple Express at the moment.

These movies always seem funnier the second time.... or do they?

Heading to Junee for a gig tomorrow with Dave Williams and Tahir. Will be alot of fun. I feel terrible about what happened last time in Junee, and I REALLY hope I do a much better job for you guys this time!

I've also added historic footage of my Disco-Matt MC Esquire III and Dinnertime Duke (#1Hype-man) - Live at QSM. Enjoy. Let me know if you want to see the whole thing.

Peace.

p.s. Just read what I wrote below (a month ago). I actually think I could be psychic....

I can't wait to bust out some sweet, sweet tunes with my boy KPS and DJ GiGsta at Stylin Up. I hope there are some strong people in the front row cos I plan on surfing that crowd like I'm one of those surfing dogs that always comes on at the end of the news.

I am watching Ellen dance at the moment, and I seriously wonder whether she wakes up most days and just goes, "Oh god, not again...."

I'm also looking at a glue-stick and it reminds me of a giant lip-balm. One would hope I never get those two mixed up, no matter how non-toxic UHU is...

Also, the dangerous duo of Disco-Matt MC Esquire III and Dinnertime Duke will be putting on one hell of a show for Fete De La Musique in Brisbane on the 21st June. WHERE exactly, I'm not sure yet. Most likely in some gutter somewhere, rapping out of a cardboard megaphone with an empty coffee cup in front of us. If you're lucky, you might even get a guest appearance from a hobo asking for change...

A hobo called Disco-Matt MC Esquire III.

Stylin Up 09: 30th May, 2009 - Inala, Brisbane - Be there!

Peace.

H20....

I've spent the last couple of days at SeaWorld filming a few more episodes of H20 Season 3.

My goal is to one day have an unofficial Russian FanSite for my Dolphin-Trainer character, Laurie. That would be ACE! I could be saving dolphins by sculling Vodka and dancing in the cross-armed, kicking style....

I've scheduled a mini-tour of Brisbane for the last week of May. I'm going to be in town helping out my boy KPS in one of his songs at the Stylin' Up 09 Festival, and then I'll be MC'ing LiveWired at the powerhouse on the 31st May. I love LiveWired. For anyone who hasn't gone... GO! It's free, and a perfect way to utilise the last few moments of a hangover.

I'm also planning a series of Webisodes called: "The Adventure of Disco-Matt & Mr Chips". It's about a chip-dealer and an aspiring MC who's addicted to chips. Good times. Special guests include: Twisties, Cheetohs, Burger-Men.... It's a star-studded line-up, really.

And thanks to everyone who partied with me on Easter Super Sunday! God DAMN I Love ESS! Nothing says, "Thanks Jesus", like watching Bizzy attempt to eat 40 McNuggets.

For all those interested.... He did it. Next tartget = 100 McNuggets. The rules: No spewing for 24 hours. Anyone who has succeeded in eating 100 McNuggest in one sitting, please contact me... now! I need to know what we're up against!

I'm out, and don't forget to 'rate' me at Triple J Unearthed:

Peace.

 THE SQUIZ....

I was lucky enough to be a guest panelist on SBS's new Sports quiz show "The Squiz" last night, and it was a great heap of fun!

The other guests were:

Stuart MacGill (Aussie Cricketer)
Anthony Field (Blue Wiggle)
Amy Taylor (Aussie Soccer player)
& Warwick Capper (Sydney Swans)

I'm not sure if the episode will make it to air, but filming it was definitely fun enough and I got one whole question right! That's right -- ONE. I won't spoil the surprise, but the question was about India.... and the olympics... and what their first gold medal was for.... and I said Shooting... and I was right.... *Spoiler Alert*.

Filming of H20 starts for me again next week, where I will no doubt be masquerading in a tight wetshirt and solving dolphin-related crimes again. I like filming H20 because once I wrap, I inevitably sneak into Seaworld and go on the rides before I go home. Although... there's something kind of sad about a 23-year-old riding roller-coasters by himself.

I have also dropped to an astonishing #736 on the Triple J Unearthed charts.... From #8 to #736. That's tough! Now I know how Victoria Beckham must have felt when she went from the Spice Girls to a solo artist.... Ha!

The making of the next EP has begun, so brace yo'self! But in the meantime, you can listen to Disco-Matt MC Esquire III's genius songs here by clicking the banner below:

Or by downloading it from the "DOWNLOADS" section where I have also unashamedly put a clip of my McDonalds ad..... Ahhh, the life of an 'artist'.

Peace.
 

It's the first day of Autumn!

I actually don't really care much for Autumn, other than that my birthday is during it. It's always been one of those seasons which doesn't really mean much.

The PROTOS Collective is going to have a roast tonight though! I'm thinking lamb. I went to the fish markets today and it was disgusting as usual. It's ALWAYS a let down. I don't know why I bother going back. EVERY time I think it's going to be better than the last time, but instead I end up shoving deep-fried shit into my mouth and wishing I'd just bought a sandwich. A sandwich with lettuce. And other ingredient.

Ingredients.

Disco-Matt MC Esquire III is currently trying to get gigs at the moment, but it's turning out surprisingly difficult! I think the reality of nobody employing a comic who's never done a music gig in his life is starting to sink in. So far, my next gig is in 2010.... NO shit! Ultimo Pyrmont Community Festival at this time, but in 2010!! I think my best chance from here is to become a busker in the Sydney Central Station tunnel.... or one of those guys with the portable PA and unicycle at Southbank. At least people will be forced to listen.....

Went to the Roxbury hotel last night and saw some good quality live comedy. It's a great night and everybody needs to start going to comedy that's close to home! Do it. It's fun.It's cheap. And it's fun.... and cheap. The three supports (John Cruikshank, Amanda Gray and my good friend, Lap Phan) did a fantastic job warming us up for Axis of Awesome, who did what they do best. Be the bearing of X & Y remarkability.

Now it's time for me to shove my product into your cheeks!

If you haven't listened to the new E.P, you should definitely do it.

NOW!

http://www.matthewokine.com/thenewstart.htm

Oh yes....

Yes,

Yes

yes.

Peace ya'll.

Just click on the little banner below and listen, rate and review to your hearts content!

I would recommend rating it 5 stars out of 5, however I may be a touch biased....

I'm sorry that I always have to ask favours of you all. I don't know what's worse, Disco-Matt MC Esquire III constantly needing people's popularity votes, or Disco-Matt MC Esquire III constantly referring to himself in third person....

I need all the help I can get, so please tell as many people as you can!

Thanks ya'll.

Peace.

The New Start is here.

Believe the hype.

Seriously.

Please click the CD Cover below, or alternatively become a uber-loser for NOT listening to the biggest thing since T.A.T.U dropped their lesbian-inspired hits.

Believe it!

As you might be able to read, I've decided to expand my name to "Disco-Matt MC Esquire III". It might seem strange for most of you to read. Especially those of you unable to remember the FIRST TWO Disco-Matt MC Esquire's, but I figure The New Start = A New Beginning = A New Title to dominate proceedings with..... Ya hear?!

Click picture. Listen. Enjoy. Pay me out later.....

Peace.

I have decided that I'm going to the next Olympics. Not as a lame spectating sport-groupie, but as a full-blown Olympian.

The Sport in which I will compete? Swimming....

How on earth am I going to make the olympics in a sport that I am utterly HOPELESS in? Well - Observe the plan.... (Read More.....)

Has it been THAT long?

You must forgive me though, because it was in fact my computer's fault that we haven't spoken in so long. The stupid power chord busted, and you have NO idea how difficult it is to get a new power chord for an old piece of shit laptop.

Since my last post, I've invested in a home brew kit. Yes! That's right! Homebrew..... I did this for two reasons. 1) Because....

Read More....

WaterCoolerKings.com

I leave for Adelaide on Sunday, where I shall reside for two weeks while we do the show for the Fringe Festival, and then it's on to Melbourne for a month.

In other news, myself and the team at 20 O'Connor st received a loving letter from some neighbours....

Read More...

While I was completely expecting a fun trip, accompanied by the soul-destroying tolls of reality TV, what I didn't expect, was my housemate, and good friend, Gizmo, to sneak into my bag in the middle of the night, and come along for the ride.

Below is a personal photo-diary maintained by Gizmo for his trip. Sadly, Gizmo likes to talk in third person....

_______________________________________________

GIZMO DOES MIAMI

Fed up with getting no Mogwi-love in Sydney, and needing a break from his addictive partying lifestyle, Gizmo decided to grab his bags and set out to get some sweet, sweet American poon-tang.

He headed to the airport to say one last goodbye to Nick Sun. Gizmo says goodbye like most normal people, by simply waving and saying "bye", but Nick Sun had a different 'goodbye' in mind, taking it as one last chance to finger-pump Gizzy's crotch, while yelling "That's for making Gremlins 2, fool!"

Gizmo replied, saying "let's just be friends..." before setting off to the International Terminal....

Read More...

WOO!!

I still really want a Wii. Sometimes I wake up holding a tennis racquet because I want to play so much. I like Wii Tennis because

Read More...

It's finally here, ladies and gentlemen -- Brace yo'self! It's ALL still in the beta stages though, so PLEASE bare with me. First of all, I'd like to thank Mr. Olly Lindemann for doing such a bang-up job on the design, graphics and layout. You're a champ, dude!

Now.... do I actually have any "news"??

Well, Bart and I will be performing our Melbourne Comedy Festival show at....

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Read More...