Episode 4 of
The Future Machine is here, and it's funnier than some really
funny thing that you can think of...! Thank you so much for
all the people lending support to the show. You've really helped
us get it out there as much as possible, and I'm hoping you enjoy
the rest of the season as much as we do!
Hmmmm... Right now - outside - I can hear a man asking a passer-by
outside my house for $2.60 because he locked his key in his house,
and he needs to get to Ultimo.
The funny thing about this is - he told someone exactly the
same thing, yesterday! That dude needs a better
Speaking of junkies - The other night, I picked up a $5 note with
poo on it.
Yep. DEFINITELY a low point...
I guess my
main concern is - HOW DOES A $5 note get poo on it?!
I mean does it fall out of someone's pocket, and into some poo, or
does some poo fallout of someone, into a $5 note?? I'm starting to
get a bit worried that I am now part of some bad hidden-camera
gameshow called "How Low Would You Go for $5", where they just cut
to idiots like me picking up money on the street, and then
realising they've got crap on them.
embarassing. But it's not often that you find a note on the
ground, and it's not often that you so quickly realise exactly why nobody else had picked it up...
Don't forget to tell your friends about The Future Machine! We're
on YouTube & Facebook, so make sure you subscribe!
How to get rid
of a body...
I have been
sick this week....
Well -- actually -- I was sick on Monday, and it prompted me to
turn my bed into a "home office".
The problem is - as it turns out - I think I'm completely over my
sickness, yet I'm still lying in bed...
The moral of this story is: Turning your bed into a "home
office" does not increase productivity. You will merely
watch a shitload of Entourage, hoping that @FeliciaDay will one day
episode, Matt and Tom have to figure out how to get rid of Tom's
body. If I ever had to rid of a body, I'd be in some serious
For starters - it'd mean that someone's dead. And that's really
not a good start. Secondly - I don't have a car. Aside from the
logistical nightmare that would arise from taking a body onto public
transport; I'd also have some serious problems with having
to pay for the additional ticket!
If you love the show, please subscribe to our
Channel, and make sure you share it with all your friends. We need
The streets is
Machine is HERE!!
Can you believe
it's already that time of the year when people are walking around
saying things like, "can you believe it's that time of the year
I am super,
super, SUPER excited to announce that The Future Machine is
finally here! It's getting some seriously great feedback, and
we're hoping everyone will enjoy it as much as we do. We're
currently ranked "#73 Most Viewed (Today) - Australia" on YouTube.
Now - Don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy with that (we've only
JUST released it...) except it means that we're still getting
beaten by such luminaries as "The Fat Aussie Bastard", and "The
Australian Labor Party".....
Now - I've never met 'said' Bastard, or been to an Australian
Party where everyone's about to give birth..... but knowing that
they're beating us is giving me a strange sense of.... well...
inadequateness. So, please - please - PLEASE - help us defy the
odds. If you get the chance, watch the two first episodes above,
subscribe, and then share it with your friends. Even if you don't
watch it. Just click 'play' and then go to the bathroom or
something. I will not be beaten by some sad, local MP's trying to
connect with the youth of Australia by way of Video-Blog!!!
The youth of this nation deserve what EVERYONE deserves - and
that's dick-jokes, boobs and time-travel...!
Thank you for
that I'm on Twitter too. You can find me under @mattokine. And
please support the Future Machine!!
p.s. There WILL
be a new EP coming out before Xmas. And there WILL be an exclusive
launch party for it. And Jaydos WILL be hosting that sucka!
Brace... yo'... self.
Machine is coming...
Machine is almost here, and it is looking FUTURISTIC!
been this excited about something since the time I tried to make a replica
of the of the scene in Back to the Future when the lightning hits
the clock tower and it generates enough power for Marty to get the Delorian to 88 miles per hour and finally make it back home...
Unfortunately, Marty stayed with us for a long time.
To give you
the lowdown -- The Future Machine is a webseries I am co-creating
at the moment. It's been written by Tom Sheldrick (Tropfest
finalist, 2010) and Myself, directed by Dave Barker (http://www.taxifilms.tv),
and stars Andy Ryan (Tomorrow When the War Began), Cariba Heine
(H20: Just Add Water, Dance Academy), and Matt Okine (insert
not-as-impressive credits here...).
has been absolutely awesome, and I can't wait to show everyone the
finished product. Thanks to all of the unbelievably talented cast
& crew who came on board!
wanna get your hopes up, but I'm thinking a new EP is due.
Werd to 4P1,
Nut Nutzzz & Crusty Hoez!!
Roadshow - Western Australia...
The other night
I saw Australian Polevault champion Steve Hooker at one of my
gigs. I thought he was a guy I went to school with. I waved at him
during the break and he waved back, but clearly didn't know why he
was waving. Afterwards I went to talk to him and realised that he
was not the guy from my school.
Then I got
all nervous and went a light purple colour (which is the colour
dark people go when they're embarassed). I think he thought I was
WA, I am on
On the 24th
May, I will begin a month-long tour throughout Western Australia
as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Roadshow. I
plan on coming to your mining state, and discovering some 'comedy
GOLD'.... and then getting taxed for it.
It'll be my
first visit, so I'm really excited. I've heard Perth is very much
like my hometown of Brisbane, which is both exciting and
terrifying at the same time. I asked a mate what Perth was like
and he said "don't expect to go shopping on Sunday..." - Then I
asked him when he had actually gone to Perth, and he said "1995".
ALSO -- Our TV Pilot, "Not Available" has been selected for the
Dungog Film Festival and will premiere in Dungog on the 28th May,
2010. Everyone at HDC
Productions is really excited about this, so if you happen to
be going to the festival - CHECK IT OUT! Full details here:
meantime, check out the spot I did on Channel Ten's 'Thursday
Night Live' (TNL) the other night. Thanks to Amy Hetzel and the
team for having me!
4-Point-1, Nut-Nuts, and Hoes!
Sunday Rules once again...
We actually did
We made a TV
Pilot, and it freakin' rocks! Click
HERE for pics.
Also - if
you live anywhere near me, then I apologise for the shinanigans
that was Easter Super Sunday. We probably disrupted your sleep,
but when you lose $5 on backyard female arm-wrestling, then I bet
you'll wanna scream too....
tradition, we renamed the twelve apostles. Some of my favourites
included "El Hamo Del Glazo", and "Danny Lee Tucker". For the full
Huey's Cooking Adventures and he is making Chicken Livers look
delicious. I bought chicken for dinner, but it was only their
thighs. It's not often you wish there were livers connected to
That sounded weirder than it was...
thanks to 4-Point-1, The Nut-Nutz & Co. who came down for ESS. I
can honestly say I had the best time I've had in a long while, and
it's definitely worth the disgusting state my kitchen was left
the first half of IIDA below. It's not the pilot that we JUST
made, but it's something to nibble on while you wait for the main
wee's on a couch.... honestly?!
HDC = Halfa
are making a TV Pilot!
made a TV Pilot before, but I did illegally download the
pilot of Entourage, and that was HELLA easy, so it can't be THAT
same team that worked on IIDA, and if you haven't seen IIDA, you
must be an IIDAiot...
Ok, so that
wasn't a very good call. BUT - Check out the IIDA trailer below.
tomorrow's episode of Neighbours looks great! It's an episode
where the new girl on Ramsay St, starts getting bullied by
'another' new girl on Ramsay St. You can tell the 'other' new girl
is a bully because she's blonde and slightly hot, and she quite
often has a few extras standing behind her as friends.
I wish I could
play a new girl on Ramsay St. I could play the conjoined fetus
twin of Libby (Kim Valentine) and Dan's (Brett Tucker) surrogate
baby, and then break off from my twin and start breakdancing in
That would be
And I don't
mean in 'sick' in the cool, hip, and trendy way that the
youngsters use it...
I mean 'sick'
as in 'rad'.
I would LOVE to
proof-read this entry and probably delete it from both the page,
AND my memory, but I'm about to go have dinner, so deal with it!
Check out IIDA, Check out Macca's Chef, and spread the love.
Good News Week
Above is a
small clip from ManChoir's performance on Good News Week.
It was such
a blast, and I really, really thank Kitty Flanagan for allowing us
to be a part of her show at the Opera House last night too.
Performing at the Opera House is one of those things that some
people have worked 20+ years to do, studying at various
conservatoriums and so forth just to live that dream... and I
kinda feel guilty that 12 chumps in singlets got the chance so
lesson here for everyone. Drop the cello, pick up a beer.
I'm about to
cook a chicken for dinner. When I bought it, the guy at the
butcher's remarked that the label said "Greek Style Chicken". I
didn't really know what he meant so I asked him, and he kindly
informed me that "when greek girls wanna remain virgins, they
do it 'greek style'...."
thanked him for such charming information and left, all the while
hoping that he doesn't throw that sort of chat around to any of
his female customers, and also praying that he's kept his private
well away from my chicken.
tour was cut short due to the GNW and an ep of All Saints, but the
4 gigs I did were great and I really appreciated seeing all of my
favourite people at St Paul's Tavern.
4-Point-1, The Nut-Nuts, and The Crusty Hoes!
Good Days, and
I had SUCH a
good week last week... For the obvious exceptions of a
neighbourhood incident - and my possible contraction of swine flu
- things were really going my way.
This week on
the other-hand..... Not so good, no?
On a bad
day, it's funny how we can take such offence when the littlest
things don't go our way. I was furious at the bus this morning for
turning up ten minutes late, even though I hadn't checked the
timetable, OR arrived with any idea of when a bus would come...
just that I knew it should come SOON!
Then I get
all cranky because it didn't...
Pineapple Express at the moment.
always seem funnier the second time.... or do they?
Junee for a gig tomorrow with Dave Williams and Tahir. Will be
alot of fun. I feel terrible about what happened last time in
Junee, and I REALLY hope I do a much better job for you guys this
added historic footage of my Disco-Matt MC Esquire III and
Dinnertime Duke (#1Hype-man) - Live at QSM. Enjoy. Let me know if
you want to see the whole thing.
read what I wrote below (a month ago). I actually think I
could be psychic....
Stylin Up and
Fete De La Musique...
I can't wait to
bust out some sweet, sweet tunes with my boy KPS and DJ GiGsta at
Stylin Up. I hope there are some strong people in the front row
cos I plan on surfing that crowd like I'm one of those surfing
dogs that always comes on at the end of the news.
watching Ellen dance at the moment, and I seriously wonder whether
she wakes up most days and just goes, "Oh god, not again...."
looking at a glue-stick and it reminds me of a giant lip-balm. One
would hope I never get those two mixed up, no matter how non-toxic
dangerous duo of Disco-Matt MC Esquire III and Dinnertime Duke
will be putting on one hell of a show for Fete De La Musique in
Brisbane on the 21st June. WHERE exactly, I'm not sure yet. Most
likely in some gutter somewhere, rapping out of a cardboard
megaphone with an empty coffee cup in front of us. If you're
lucky, you might even get a guest appearance from a hobo asking
called Disco-Matt MC Esquire III.
09: 30th May, 2009 - Inala, Brisbane - Be there!
I've spent the last couple of days at SeaWorld filming a few more
episodes of H20 Season 3.
goal is to one day have an unofficial Russian FanSite for my
Dolphin-Trainer character, Laurie. That would be ACE! I could be
saving dolphins by sculling Vodka and dancing in the cross-armed,
I've scheduled a mini-tour of Brisbane for the last week of May.
I'm going to be in town helping out my boy KPS in one of his songs
at the Stylin' Up 09 Festival, and then I'll be MC'ing LiveWired
at the powerhouse on the 31st May. I love LiveWired. For anyone
who hasn't gone... GO! It's free, and a perfect way to utilise the
last few moments of a hangover.
I'm also planning a series of Webisodes called: "The Adventure of
Disco-Matt & Mr Chips". It's about a chip-dealer and an aspiring
MC who's addicted to chips. Good times. Special guests include:
Twisties, Cheetohs, Burger-Men.... It's a star-studded line-up,
And thanks to everyone who partied with me on Easter Super Sunday!
God DAMN I Love ESS! Nothing says, "Thanks Jesus", like watching
Bizzy attempt to eat 40 McNuggets.
For all those interested.... He did it. Next tartget = 100
McNuggets. The rules: No spewing for 24 hours. Anyone who has
succeeded in eating 100 McNuggest in one sitting, please contact
me... now! I need to know what we're up against!
I'm out, and don't forget to 'rate' me at Triple J Unearthed:
was lucky enough to be a guest panelist on SBS's new Sports quiz
show "The Squiz" last night, and it was a great heap of fun!
The other guests were:
Stuart MacGill (Aussie Cricketer)
Anthony Field (Blue Wiggle)
Amy Taylor (Aussie Soccer player)
& Warwick Capper (Sydney Swans)
I'm not sure if the episode will make it to air, but filming it
was definitely fun enough and I got one whole question right!
That's right -- ONE. I won't spoil the surprise, but the question
was about India.... and the olympics... and what their first gold
medal was for.... and I said Shooting... and I was right....
Filming of H20 starts for me again next week, where I will no
doubt be masquerading in a tight wetshirt and solving
dolphin-related crimes again. I like filming H20 because once I
wrap, I inevitably sneak into Seaworld and go on the rides before
I go home. Although... there's something kind of sad about a
23-year-old riding roller-coasters by himself.
have also dropped to an astonishing #736 on the Triple J Unearthed
charts.... From #8 to #736. That's tough! Now I know how Victoria
Beckham must have felt when she went from the Spice Girls to a
solo artist.... Ha!
The making of the next EP has begun, so brace yo'self! But in the
meantime, you can listen to Disco-Matt MC Esquire III's genius
songs here by clicking the banner below:
Or by downloading it from
the "DOWNLOADS" section where I have also unashamedly put a clip
of my McDonalds ad..... Ahhh, the life of an 'artist'.
It's the first
day of Autumn!
don't really care much for Autumn, other than that my birthday is
during it. It's always been one of those seasons which doesn't
really mean much.
Collective is going to have a roast tonight though! I'm thinking
lamb. I went to the fish markets today and it was disgusting as
usual. It's ALWAYS a let down. I don't know why I bother going
back. EVERY time I think it's going to be better than the last
time, but instead I end up shoving deep-fried shit into my mouth
and wishing I'd just bought a sandwich. A sandwich with lettuce.
And other ingredient.
MC Esquire III is currently trying to get gigs at the moment, but
it's turning out surprisingly difficult! I think the reality of
nobody employing a comic who's never done a music gig in his life
is starting to sink in. So far, my next gig is in 2010.... NO
shit! Ultimo Pyrmont Community Festival at this time, but in
2010!! I think my best chance from here is to become a busker in
the Sydney Central Station tunnel.... or one of those guys with
the portable PA and unicycle at Southbank. At least people will be
forced to listen.....
Went to the
Roxbury hotel last night and saw some good quality live comedy.
It's a great night and everybody needs to start going to comedy
that's close to home! Do it. It's fun.It's cheap. And it's fun....
and cheap. The three supports (John Cruikshank, Amanda Gray and my
good friend, Lap Phan) did a fantastic job warming us up for Axis
of Awesome, who did what they do best. Be the bearing of X & Y
time for me to shove my product into your cheeks!
haven't listened to the new E.P, you should definitely do it.
ESQUIRE III has taken the plunge and entered Triple J's Unearthed
competition, and he desperately needs your help! Can you please
'rate' his songs....??? PLEASE???
Just click on
the little banner below and listen, rate and review to your hearts
recommend rating it 5 stars out of 5, however I may be a touch
I'm sorry that I always have to ask favours of you all. I don't
know what's worse, Disco-Matt MC Esquire III constantly needing
people's popularity votes, or Disco-Matt MC Esquire III constantly
referring to himself in third person....
I need all
the help I can get, so please tell as many people as you can!
the CD Cover below, or alternatively become a uber-loser for NOT
listening to the biggest thing since T.A.T.U dropped their
As you might
be able to read, I've decided to expand my name to "Disco-Matt MC
Esquire III". It might seem strange for most of you to read.
Especially those of you unable to remember the FIRST TWO
Disco-Matt MC Esquire's, but I figure The New Start = A New
Beginning = A New Title to dominate proceedings with..... Ya
picture. Listen. Enjoy. Pay me out later.....
THE ROAD TO
I have decided
that I'm going to the next Olympics. Not as a lame spectating
sport-groupie, but as a full-blown Olympian.
The Sport in
which I will compete? Swimming....
How on earth
am I going to make the olympics in a sport that I am utterly
HOPELESS in? Well - Observe the plan....
Has it been
forgive me though, because it was in fact my computer's fault that
we haven't spoken in so long. The stupid power chord busted, and
you have NO idea how difficult it is to get a new power chord for
an old piece of shit laptop.
last post, I've invested in a home brew kit. Yes! That's right!
Homebrew..... I did this for two reasons. 1) Because....
I recently had
the "fortune" of going to Miami to audition for NBC's Last Comic
While I was
completely expecting a fun trip, accompanied by the
soul-destroying tolls of reality TV, what I didn't expect, was my
housemate, and good friend, Gizmo, to sneak into my bag in the
middle of the night, and come along for the ride.
Below is a
personal photo-diary maintained by Gizmo for his trip. Sadly,
Gizmo likes to talk in third person....
GIZMO DOES MIAMI
Fed up with
getting no Mogwi-love in Sydney, and needing a break from his
addictive partying lifestyle, Gizmo decided to grab his bags and
set out to get some sweet, sweet American poon-tang.
He headed to
the airport to say one last goodbye to Nick Sun. Gizmo says
goodbye like most normal people, by simply waving and saying
"bye", but Nick Sun had a different 'goodbye' in mind, taking it
as one last chance to finger-pump Gizzy's crotch, while yelling
"That's for making Gremlins 2, fool!"
replied, saying "let's just be friends..." before setting off to
the International Terminal....
It's finally here, ladies and gentlemen -- Brace yo'self! It's ALL
still in the beta stages though, so PLEASE bare with me. First of
all, I'd like to thank Mr. Olly Lindemann for doing such a bang-up
job on the design, graphics and layout. You're a champ, dude!
Now.... do I actually have any "news"??
Well, Bart and I will be performing our Melbourne Comedy Festival
I REALLY NEEDTO CHANGE MY PICTURE: Seriously.... I'm well aware of
how old and ridiculous that picture up above is. Only problem is
-- I don't know how to change it! I took a course in web design at
Uni, and now I can't remember a damn thing about it!
Oh well - The main focus of this blog is to notify you ALL that
I'm in plans to do a show at the Adelaide Fringe Festival, and the
Melbourne International Comedy Festival with Bart Freebairn next
We are going to rip the shit outta those towns......
days that go down in history as 'life-changing'.
Many of you will remember exactly where you were, and what you
were doing, the moment that you heard about the events of
September 11. Some of you will have lived through (and can
remember) the first Moon-Landing, and most of you will remember
the time I scored 84 off 56 balls against Terrace in the last
GPS cricket game I ever played....