If you want to see some of my work, check
out the '
The rest of
those tabs above are pretty self-explanatory. Except for the
about' section. I don't
know why the guy put that one there. I kinda thought that's
what the '
bio' section was for... so I put my bio in both. Except
one has a different picture.
I have a DVD out now which you can grab
from JB Hi-Fi, or watch on iTunes
Also - feel free
regarding any gigs both here or
overseas or outerspace. Although, I will warn you that I'm not
very welcome on Jupiter anymore after I made a joke about
their planet-leader's large head.
There is a wasp in my loungeroom
and it doesn't seem to want to leave. I really don't know what
to do about it. I'm keeping the door open so that it flies
out, but I'm starting to get paranoid that it's just going to
call its mates and they're gonna have a big ol' wasp party
while I sit crying in my bedroom cupboard.
My show at the Sydney Comedy
Festival opens tomorrow. Can't wait. Melbourne was unreal. I
sold out every show and got to put on some extra ones. Thanks
to everyone who came along!
If you're in Sydney and you
wanna check out my show, you can buy tix by clicking HERE.
If you're coming along, maybe bring
some wasp spray. I'll be very grateful.
Brisbane was so great. Massive props to
the dudes at the Powerhouse
who know how to make a festival
happen. Also, mad props to the chefs at the Powerhouse who
know how to make a pizza.
I taught my dad
how to text message while I was there too. A momentous
occasion for everyone involved. You can see a pic of the event
on my Facebook
page. Just make sure you lay a tea-towel down over
your keyboard, as you will likely cry tears of joy. Parents,
huh. They grow up so fast.
I'm spending the
next four days on a cruise around New
Zealand, and if I don't freeze to death, then I'll be back for a week
before the Melbourne International Comedy Festival starts
again. If you're keen to
the show in Melbourne, click the poster below:
Thanks to everyone who made the
shows in Brisbane so awesome! Can't wait to come
Brisbane!! I can't wait to come home. I want to kiss you on your
do mainies of Indro all day and night.
Show opens in one weeks
time. Click the poster below and grab your tix.
(EDIT: Oh no!
I just realised that I'm wearing exactly the same shirt in the
photo below. How embarassment. That's not very cool, is it. I
hope you don't think I only have one shirt. I have heaps more
than one shirt. I have, like, three or four shirts. And a
singlet. I also own a pair of Ninja Turtles socks that I've
owned forever, although I can't seem to find one of them.
Anyway, depending on what night you're coming, I might be
wearing it, and if you ask after the show, I will give you a
lil peak. It's a Michelangelo sock. Back then, I used to think
he was the best ninja turtle, but as I've grown older, I've
realised that you can't be (or rely on) a party-dude all
the time, and eventually you have to stop - especially
when you start hanging out in sewers and talking
to kung-fu rats. I've since started to
appreciate Donatello more. Rafael is still a dick
though. That home-turtle needs to chill
See you at the show! Werrrd.
Just came back from the Scarborough
Beach "Comedy Under the Stars" gig, and it was bidniz.
Sometimes I wonder if I should move to Perth
because it has such nice beaches. Then I remember that
I'm terrified of jellyfish and wouldn't ever go swimming
This is a shot of Ronny Chieng on
stage. Me and Ronny spent 2 months touring together last year,
so we've gotten pretty good at it. We spend 98% of our time
trying to explain why each of our phones is better than the
other. He won this round because he bought a water-proof case
for his phone, so we lost an afternoon listening to music
underwater at the hotel pool.
The next day our manager's cousin
picked us up and had us over at his house for a birthday. He
was hands-down one of the biggest dudes I've ever
seen and he had "Everyday I'm Hustlin'" blasting in his car
and we drove to the beach. For a few moments, I felt as close to being
a gangster as a middle-class kid from Brisbane can possibly
feel... that is, until I refused to go swimming because of
We had some beers on his
balcony looking out over the river in North Fremantle before
going inside to watch an NBA replay. All the guys knew what
was going on, and my limited knowledge 1995 Jordan-era NBA
Cards only just squeezed me through the chat that was flying
around the room.
This is Ronny using his mind
to make everything turn white. He is kinda like the dad for
We did a gig at Little Creatures,
and then went back into town to an after-party for the
Laneway Festival that turned out to not really be an
afterparty for Laneway Festival. We ended up at McDonalds, and
while I was shamefully wrist-deep in fries, a couple of
European dudes walked in with a basketball. Some smack talk
was exchanged, and before I knew it, someone in our party had
brazenly wagered $100 on who could win a late-night basketball
Finding a basketball court in
Perth at 1:30am is not easy, so they settled for a netball
hoop that they found somewhere. I watched from the other side
of the gate. I didn't watch til the end, and I'm glad I
didn't, seeing as my friend lost $100. Haha. Sucks,
"Schooled by Europeans" could very well be my next
Good times, WA.
The Mixtape - So I spent the last part of the year making
a hip-hop mixtape. I spent a lot of time in my home
and various hotel rooms around the world, writing, recording,
mixing this, so give it a listen. You might like
5th Dec 2012
Being Black n Chicken n Shit
Wattup! So my DVD has finally come
out. You can grab it at JB Hi-Fi. I've never met JB personally
but if you run into him, say hello for me.
Or.... Click the pic below
to buy/rent it from iTunes right now!
India was so much fun. Thanks to
everyone for coming to the gigs! Hopefully we can make it back
again some time.
Me and Ben from Smart Casual made this
little song to pay
Opera House and DVDs...
We partied a little after the
Aziz Ansari gig in Melbourne. Just a little. I'm used to doing
my gig and getting on a bus to go home, but they invited a
whole bunch of people backstage and we all spent the
better part of an hour drinking whiskey and talking about the
gig. It was the bidniz.
Then, when the party was
winding down, I ran off with my hoodie up, because I secretly
wanted to go and eat dumplings and hand-pulled noodles
like a b'dabs, and I didn't want anybody to see my
Word to Dumpling Houses:
Your products are delicious, but sometimes you really only
need to do half-serves. I can't eat 15
dumplings, no matter how delicious. Not especially
if you want me to order the noodles.
Man I love dumplings and
After travelling around most
of the world this year, it's come to my attention that the
best dumplings and hand-pulled noodles I've ever had are from
the little place in Sydney near Chinatown where the guy plays
beautiful, peaceful music out the front, and then when you're
in side, they scowl at you if you so much as put
your chopsticks down to take a breath. In, out. In, out.
I love it.
(insert play on words
My DVD is coming out in
December. Anthony Salame stars heavily in the extras, and he
is a total BOWSSS! So funny. Can't wait for it to come
Also - I'm working on a new Disco-Matt mix
tape. Yes, I'm still trying to rap. Yes, I know I'm a try
hard. Yes, it will be the deeeznutz. Can't wait!
tour starts soon. First 2 weeks of November. Can't
15 Aug 2012
World Tour 2012...
I'm listening to the worst
hip-hop song I think I've ever heard right now. It's
It's two hours until my
show and I'm aimlessly wandering the streets of YouTube when I should really be
doing some work. Listening to Turquoise
Jeep (who I am beginning to think are the voice for a
generation) is really not 'research'.
Soho has been so dope. The gigs at
Theatre have been amazing. The crowds have been awesome.
The staff are all so supportive. And the restaurants around
the area are so fully sick that I haven't really left the
suburb. Dan Townes
told me that just staying in Soho while you're in London is
like just staying in Circular Quay if you were visiting
Sydney. I'm taking that as a positive, because Circular
Quay is really quite nice. It's like, do I really need to
be stabbed on a late-night tube on a night-bus to Brixton to
really get a taste of a city? I prefer eating meat in quaint
but modern settings.
I just had to look up the
definition of quaint.
Two weeks to go and then I'm home
for the filming of some extras for my DVD, and a 'work in
progress' show at the Sydney Fringe
Festival called Broken
Diamond House. Tix are only $10 which is an absolute
steal, especially if you steal them.
Don't steal them.
So far it's been sunny way
more than it's rained. Which is definitely a good thing,
because my thongs are really not wet-weather vehicles. If my
thongs were an ad for tyres, they'd be the example of tyre
that you don't want because they slip everywhere.
had an idea....
Still a week and a half left of
shows in London. Hope you can make it! And thanks to everyone
who's already come!
On my way to London, I'll be
doing a week of gigs in Singapore & Hong Kong with the Melbourne
Comedy Festival Roadshow, and then from there I'll be
going to Canada and New York for a couple of gigs, and then to
Edinburgh to check out the Fringe Festival for the first
Should be BOSS.
If you know anyone who is in
London, let them know that I'll be there for two weeks from
13th - 26th August. Tell them, if they want tickets, they
should say "Barnacle Poo" and then blink twice at the box
office person. This won't get them any free
tickets, but it will be pretty amusing to anyone
crazy that you can be inside this entity for an entire month
that seems to go forever. This tornado of fully sick
comics, and parties, and late-night shows, and paranoia, and
good / bad reviews, and ticket sales stress, and awards,
and disappointments, and then you finally come home
and it all just seems like a distant memory,
and that everyone else has hardly even noticed you
I won the MICF
Best Newcomer award
for my show Being
Black n Chicken n Shit
. Myself and Ronny Chieng actually tied-won. The past
winners of that award have received a return trip to the
UK. Because me and Ronny both won, I hope they don't just
split the prize and give us two one way tickets. If that
happens, I'll be a touch suspicious that maybe this was all
just an elaborate scheme by the government to get us
deported. A lot of other stuff has happened since my
computer broke and I haven't been able to update this page,
but it all escapes me right now. The only thing that I can
really think about right now is the little piece of chicken
sandwich caught between two of my back teeth. This is a job
for "Toothpick Man", the world's least-respected superhero.
I'd respect him right now though. Very much.
is upon us and it's going to be a lot of fun
too. Anthony Salame and I are going to be hosting the first
official Sydney Comedy Festival Block Party which is going to
be so dope that it won't be able to get through
customs. Dinnertime Duke is even going to come down to bust
out a Disco-Matt set with me. LIKE A BOSS.
Tix to my solo show - The Voyager Record -
are available HERE.
Then I'm on the road for two
weeks in QLD for MICF Roadshow... Damn I love Roadshow.
I'm also touring Singapore & Hong Kong in July. That'll be sweet. I
am going to eat a whole country. I haven't decided which one
Herman's w/ TDS & Dinnertime's
Sydney performance debut.
Apologies for not updating recently. My computer died.
I tried to get all technical with it. Instead of doing the right
thing and just taking it in for repair, I acted like a 1970's dad
and tried to fix it myself even though I don't know anything about
It turns out, if you flash your computer with the wrong BIOS, you
get a dead computer.
Now - in some exciting news, I will be performing a Disco-Matt MC
show at Herman's Bar at Uni of Sydney this Friday, 4th Nov 2011.
7pm. It's Free. And it will be so sick you'll want to study
medicine just to cure yourself.
That's. how. sick. it's. gonna. be. cereal.
Bullets & Bearsuits...
It's Sydney Fringe Festival time, and I am pumped like a Reebok.
My show is on sale and looking good, so get on board like a
passenger at the ferry terminal.
I go to Perth on Friday for Rottofest too. It will be more awesome
OK, I can't think of any more similes.... like an english major
with memory loss.
Keep it real, homies.
What is up, everybodz?!
I think I offended some people on twitter the other day. That is
I'm currently trying to think of jokes for my upcoming
Fringe Festival show. Whenever I complain about 'having to do
work' to my girlfriend, she never really shows much sympathy, but
then again, I think it's because most of the 'work' I need to do
can actually be done while lying in my bed.
I keep having flashbacks to times in Brisbane. I miss that place a
lot sometimes. For some reason, I quite often long to be aimlessly
Indooroopilly Shopping Town.
Is that normal?
I think I'm going to be doing some gigs around there in the first
week of October, so stay tuned.
Thanks to everyone who showed support after
Can of Worms. Hope
you all liked it. In case you missed it, you can case you missed
it, you can check out the whole episode in the
Also - guys - I just finished making my latest Disco-Matt MC
offering called "Pete Smoke" and I'd love it if you could have a
listen, and then share it with every single person that lives in
India and China. If we can get it to them, then we've covered most
of the world, and I'll be rich, and I'll give you some.
You can listen to it
by clicking on the pic below, or on the left under my picture.
p.s. I was joking about the 'spaz' thing so don't bother getting
all MAC on me. I'm full PC, yo. Cereal.
State of Origin...
If QLD don't win State of Origin tomorrow, I'm going to glass
I'm watching an ad at the moment that contains a couple, and like
in every single ad, the girl is way better looking than her
slightly overweight and dopey boyfriend. I always find this funny.
Guys always imagine that they can hit above their weight, and
girls always see their boyfriend as an overweight and helpless
Am I a slightly overweight dope??
I have moved into an apartment recently, and every now and then,
myself and the old lady across the road spot each other
through the windows. It's usually quite awkward. Especially
because neither of us are wearing pants.
Can you please follow me on Twitter?
It's @mattokine. Or just click on the
button at the top of this page.
I went to the dentist today. Dentists really need to update
the artwork in their waiting rooms. All they ever seem to have is
pictures of rotting teeth. That sucks. Much like the owners of
'said' teeth. I'm not asking for much. Just something a bit more
aesthetically pleasing. It can still be dental related. How about
a picture of the Mona Lisa with some brand new shiny braces. Or a
bowl of fruit with an old man's dentures stuck in it?
I have two shows coming up that are going to be
is supporting Evil Eddie at
the Step Inn in
Brisbane this Friday night (17th June, 2011). Tix are only $15
on the door. I'm on stage at 8:30pm. If you're late, I'll smash ya.
Dinnertime Duke is currently accepting Groupie applications. GOOD
LOOKS NOT REQUIRED.
Show Two: On
the 2nd July I will be doing a replay of my Sydney Comedy Festival
show, "Being Black N Chicken N Shit" at the
Sydney Comedy Store.
Tickets are available
HERE. You should come along.